Being my own doctor

Even though we are suppose to leave the doctoring to professionals, more often than not here in the states they seem to assume what you have is nothing serious, and most of it has to do with your life style.
I would agree that a healthy lifestyle would make you healthier, but excuse me, how am I suppose to be healthy and exercise every day, let alone cook my own healthy meals, when I don't even have enough energy to get out of bed? Perhaps that swollen gland near my ear that I have had since May, including the blood work that shows I have some type of infection, is making it harder to do just the simple things!
My primary doctor sent me to the Ear/Nose/Throat specialist, and all he could say after checking out an CT-SCAN was that is was inflamed. Either I had a virus, or was just unlucky enough to have it swollen for no reason. Excuse me?????  What am I suppose to do to get rid of it and the infection my body has been trying to fight for five months?????  Well, it is not killing me so what do they care. My dishes are stacked in the kitchen, and I finally had enough energy to clean our bedroom, since it hadn't been done for a VERY LONG time. The rest of the house will take months to clean up! What about my quality of life? Don't you ass hole doctors care that I have some type of infection running rampant through my body? Fine, I will deal with it myself, and refuse to pay any more of your bills. If I paid someone to fix my car with a transmission leak, and it still leaked, I wouldn't pay for it, so if I go to you and yet you tell me I have an infection and there is nothing else to do, well then I won't pay for it either!
I will have a tooth removed near that sight, and see if that changes anything. It has been somewhat loose, but not hurting, but who knows, maybe that is the source of the infection. Thank goodness for the Internet, so that I can start to figure things out on my own since the medical community only cares if your dying or have exceptional insurance.
For the rest of us, here's to figuring out our own bodies and dealing with the problems that keep us from living the life we know we should be.

As for hypnosis, I did do a second session, and have a cd from each one. I will listen to them daily to try to relax (too frustrated after dealing with the doctors!) and use my own body to heal itself.

Still need to start cooking at home, perhaps if I can rev up my energy then I can start searching online on how to cook! At least cleaning my room is a big step for me, as it took me ALL DAY to do it.

Anyone reading this, we can make the changes we need to, just maybe not as fast as I originally wanted to. One step at time, and pretty soon we will see a difference :)

Blah

Well, the hypnosis does have me drinking more water, but as for moving around and not feeling pain all day everyday, still working on it. Why can't doctors be more like Dr. House and do whatever necessary to find out exactly what is going on? Just because I am not dying, doesn't mean my life is great!!!! Some days I would almost rather be dead, or at least hit by a semi truck, at least then I would know why I was in pain!

More later, when I find my motivation and get off my butt.

Hypnosis

Sounds silly, but I tried Hypnosis today. I think it may help, as all I want to drink is water! At least that is a step. Lots of water can only be good for you!

Not much else to say today, still searching for all those small steps that are going to help, but at least with the hypnosis it should be easier to chose those small steps.

More to come as I try out new things. . .

More testing

OK, lots of testing to find out what is wrong and how to fix it. Will try hypnosis to cut cravings for that damn Pepsi, adding a lot of water. Seeing an allergist soon, so I will find out if I went gluten free if that would help. (I am not about to go gluten free if I don't have to!!!)

So, maybe we should start my 40 days from the end of September?

Back home, and going to see a counselor just to get things off my chest. It sucks to go it alone, but we can't expect anyone else to help us. It is up to us to find the answers, and find the strength to keep trying until we find what works.

Good luck everyone!

No hope yet. . .

Well, I do have inflamed glands but they are either from a virus, or just something to live with that happens to people sometimes that all ready have an auto-immune disease. I am going with virus since my blood work also showed a possible virus. OK, so I have had a virus for three months that I can not do anything about. WTF?????  I have tried every vitamin known to man, and since there is nothing the medical community can do, do they really expect me to just stay tired and sick all the time????  I will try my primary doctor one last time next week, but if he isn't even interested in trying to find out what virus is it, I guess I just have to live with it. So, off to buy more "pills" today. At least they are cheaper than the migraine medicine :) but I can't go on living like this. I will also try an allergist, and maybe removing gluten from my diet. Not sure how the hell I am going to do that, but that is the only thing I have not tried in my life. Oh, and hypnosis later this week to help me get rid of Pepsi. What a mess this will be!!! I will let you know if any of it works. . .

Wish me luck!

The Marriage

Well, my health has finally taken a toll on my marriage. I will be leaving today, and not sure when I will be back. He says I need to go "figure myself out". Gee, like I haven't been begging the doctors to do that for the last ten years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

It is bad enough not knowing from day to day how your going to feel, but to lack support from home is horrible. Not even lack support, but have someone against you!!  Just because you don't see a bone sticking out my leg does not mean that I am OK!!

Oh, you think I am only feeling good when I do things with family and friends?????   ASK THEM HOW OFTEN I MISS SHIT WITH THEM BECAUSE I AM NOT FEELING GOOD YOU ASS HOLE!!!!!
Feeling like shit has ruined my friendships, and ruined MY LIFE and YOU want say it only effects you??? FUCK YOU ASS HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will be leaving soon, and I am going to miss my son so much it hurts. but I CAN"T TAKE IT!

I LOVE YOU JACOB, and mommy only wants to feel better. Thank you for all the kisses you give me when I don't feel good, at least you can understand at the age of 3.

Still Trying

Well, still trying to just plain do better. Tomorrow starts the first day of my son going to pre-school at 8 am. We are usually still sleeping in until 8:30 so this will be a challenge. Hopefully the earlier we can get up, the more we can get done. Why does the morning have to come so early? I am just NOT a morning person, and it usually takes me a couple of hours just to get going anyway! How I used to be at work at 5:30 in the morning is beyond me. (maybe that is why I missed a lot of work!)

Anyway, I have decided that I need to find some inspiration. Hopefully this week I can let you know what it is :)  I have heard that putting an outfit on the wall that you really want to fit into helps, so I will try that first. My goal, size 12 jeans. If I can reach that, then I will consider taking those down to wear and putting up a size 9. If I make it to size 9, that would be the smallest size I have been since middle school. Sounds like a goal to me!

One day at a time. . .

still sick

Well, didn't call for counseling, since we do not have insurance and do not have the extra money right now. Maybe some other time. Instead, I registered with ourprayer.org. I have certainly lost touch with God lately, and maybe if I could reconnect I would be better off. Still sick, and now my throat is hurting. One thing after another!!!!!  I guess I will just have to learn to live with being sick all the time. Mind over matter or something like that. It just stinks when you want to start doing all these things that will make you healthier, but have no energy to do them and your brain just seems consumed by constant pain! What a vicious circle, I have no energy to cook, but cooking healthier meals would give me more energy and make me feel better. I guess it has to start somewhere, and although I have limited my pop intake and increased my water intake, the next step is to start cooking. Did I mention I am a horrible cook? Lord give me the strength to learn how to cook, and if you could place some people around me to teach me that would be great too. . .